The first First Lady, 1789
Like prison? But 'only a sojourning'.
Two weeks ago here I wrote about Oliver and Elizabeth Cromwell and the little details we can glean from the few surviving documents relating to Elizabeth in particular. I found myself thinking of her as the original republican ‘first lady’, at least in Western society.1
But of course, in American terms, there was a first First Lady (even if the term wasn’t used until the 1830s, by which time the US had an eighth First Lady).2 And she of course was Martha Washington.
When looking into the Cromwells, I noted that only four letters survived between them – three from him, one from her. By a strange coincidence, exactly the same is true of the Washingtons. In their case, though, it was because she burned all of his letters to her in 1802, not long before she died – it has been argued that this was the result of some sort of pact between them.
Not that I’m particularly comparing Oliver and George – yes, they both led a revolution against the British monarchy and showed military prowess, but Cromwell was an autocrat and Washington a democrat (with a small ‘d’, having no party affiliation), the latter seen as a model of restraint.
Certainly the small evidence of those marital letters confirms a close bond in both couples. Compare Cromwell’s “My dearest… Thou art dearer to me than any creature” with Washington’s letter to Martha of 23rd June 1775:
My dearest, As I am within a few Minutes of leaving this City, I could not think of departing from it without dropping you a line; especially as I do not know whether it may be in my power to write again till I get to the Camp at Boston—I go fully trusting in that Providence, which has been more bountiful to me than I deserve, & in full confidence of a happy meeting with you sometime in the Fall—I have not time to add more, as I am surrounded with Company to take leave of me—I retain an unalterable affection for you, which neither time or distance can change, my best love to Jack & Nelly, & regard for the rest of the Family concludes me with the utmost truth & sincerity. Your entire, Go: Washington.
He had also written to her five days before that, freshly appointed commander-in-chief of the Continental Army and admitting he had not sought this command:
You may believe me, my dear Patsy [his pet name for her], when I assure you, in the most solemn manner that, so far from seeking this appointment, I have used every endeavor in my power to avoid it, not only from my unwillingness to part with you and the family, but from a consciousness of its being a trust too great for my capacity, and that I should enjoy more real happiness in one month with you at home, than I have the most distant prospect of finding abroad, if my stay were to be seven times seven years… I therefore beg, that you will summon your whole fortitude, and pass your time as agreeably as possible.
Before we move on, a quick note of context: Martha Dandridge was born in 1731 on her parent’s tobacco plantation in Virginia. In 1749 she married Daniel Parke Custis, from another planter family, and they had four children together (two dying in childhood) – but when he was 45 and she was only 26, in 1757, he died. She met George soon afterwards (accounts differ as to when and where, but it was clearly in the Virginia social scene – he had been born in the same colony just eight months after her).
What about Martha’s letters to George? I said there was only one surviving, and in fact it’s only a postscript that evaded the burning, which she wrote from Mount Vernon (the Washington family estate) at the end of March 1767. This is all we have, but it confirms their affection for one another:
My Dearest, It was with very great pleasure I see in your letter that you got safely down. We are all very well at this time but it still is rainy and wet. I am sorry you will not be at home soon as I expected you. I had rather my sister would not come up so soon; as May would be much pleasanter time than April. We wrote to you last post. As I have nothing new to tell you, I must conclude my self, your most Affectionate Martha Washington.
But actually, the main source I want to share this week is one of disaffection. Martha Washington is well regarded as a modest and dignified woman who did her FLOTUS duties with decorum. In June 1789, wife of John Adams (and destined to be First Lady No. 2), wrote of her: “Mrs. Washington is one of those unassuming characters which creates Love & Esteem. A most becoming pleasantness sits upon her countenance & an unaffected deportment which renders her the object of veneration and Respect. With all these feelings and Sensations I found myself much more deeply impressed than I ever did before their Majesties of Britain.”
But it’s also true that the “fortitude” George asked of her was not always easy. The well-known extract I share next is revealing, and entirely understandable. It was written in New York to her niece Frances ‘Fanny’ Bassett (1767–1796) on 23rd October 1789, just six months after George became the first President of the United States.3
I live a very dull life here and know nothing that passes in the town—I never go to any public place; indeed I think I am more like a state prisoner than anything else. There are certain bounds set for me which I must not depart from; and as I cannot do as I like, I am obstinate, and stay at home a great deal.
The President set out this day week on a tour to the eastward. Mr Lear and Major Jackson attended him—my dear children have had very bad colds but thank god they are getting better…
Around eight years later – when George had finally retired from the presidency – Martha would write to her friend Lucy Knox (married to General Henry Knox, the first US Secretary of War) about giving up the role and returning to Mount Vernon. You can hear her relief!
I cannot tell you, My dear friend, how much I enjoy home after having been deprived of one so long, for our dwelling in New York and Philadelphia [the first US capital before Washington, DC took over in 1800] was not home, only a sojourning. The General and I feel like children just released from school or from a hard taskmaster, and we believe that nothing can tempt us to leave the sacred roof-tree again, except on private business or pleasure. We are so penurious with our enjoyment that we are loath to share it with anyone but dear friends, yet almost every day some stranger claims a portion of it, and we cannot refuse…
Our furniture and other things sent to us from Philadelphia arrived safely; our plate we brought with us in the carriage. How many dear friends I have left behind. They fill my memory with sweet thoughts. Shall I ever see them again? Not likely, unless they shall come to me here, for the twilight is gathering around our lives. I am again fairly settled down to the pleasant duties of an old fashioned Virginia house-keeper, steady as a clock, busy as a bee, and as cheerful as a cricket.
It’s the Summer Solstice tomorrow! Here’s a past article you might enjoy…
OK, I’m overlooking the Dutch Republic that started in 1579, not least because most of that was ultimately under the authority of the Princes of Orange. The first ‘Stadtholderless Period’ only began in 1650 – so Cromwell wins anyway!
Merriam-Webster has the full history of the term.
Many of these sources can be found at the Mount Vernon website, and there have now been two published collections of Martha’s papers (here and here). I have modernized/corrected spellings for ease of reading.
So interesting! Thank you for posting.
Really interesting. I love live love reading letters so this was a great read! It’s funny because as Americans, we are taught very little about Martha Washington.